 by Dr. Jeffrey Lant Author's program note. I wasn't in the market for cheesecake, didn't have it in mind. But the young woman who offered me a sample to taste was so spruce and efficient (cute, too) that I took the proffered sample and downed it... big mistake. For the minute I'd had it, I just had to have it. In the face of cheesecake that means pushing to one side every good dietary resolution and intention and just doing what comes naturally, down the hatch. In fact, I know an absolutely diabolical way to torment a body... say an inmate in maximum security. Bring in even an average cheesecake on even a chipped plate and say, "If you can resist eating this for just one hour, we'll let you out." The cheesecake would win every time... the prisons would be bulging with blissful lifers festooned with graham cracker crumbs. Try it and see for yourself. Louis Armstrong couldn't resist cheesecake. Satchmo had a sweet tooth that wouldn't quit... especially if it offered the promise of a big ol' cheesecake. He sang a bouncy little number in praise of his unceasing delight. It was right to the point. "Cheesecake, gobble gobble, cheesecake, gobble gobble, cheesecake." Poetry it wasn't, but then it didn't have to be. The cheesecake was lyric enough. At any search engine, as one watches Armstrong belt out this tune (with Bing Crosby hamming it up in the background), one has the distinct feeling that Armstrong is making up the words as he goes... like maybe someone said, someone like mischievous Crosby: "I bet you this hugely delicious cheesecake that you cannot make up a song about cheesecake without breaking up." If so, Crosby lost, because Armstrong would have done anything, absolutely everything to suppress his world-famous smile if there was a "hugely delicious" cheesecake on offer... I told you the urge to cheesecake was powerful. No one knew it better than Irving Fields, pianist, composer and arranger, the guy who actually wrote "Cheesecake". It gave The Muppets one of their most side-splitting moments. Thank goodness for the ATM (I think). Yesterday I went to the weekly farmers' market in the plaza of the Charles Hotel in Cambridge in pursuit of every fruit and vegetable I could get my hands on. My driver Aime Joseph had to take me, because I knew I'd never be able to carry everything home by myself. I was in a buying mood, breaking my own rule never to shop on an empty stomach. And so my folding money evaporated when confronted with the white peaches (indisputably superior to the mere yellows), the rare nectarines I can only find at Kimball Fruit Farm... and of course... but, I cannot share the rest because you might find a way of visiting and depleting the always diminuitive supplies of the delicious. In other words, stay home and eat your heart out. And then... a small spoonful of heaven captured me hook, line and sinker. In the olden days (3-4 years ago) my absence of cash (and their inability to take credit cards) would have produced an impasse and saved me from the Cardinal Sin of Gluttony. But the ever-handy ATM has changed everything... I mean, there are these little money machines everywhere seducing me from the strict and Godly ways of my Puritan ancestors. Rationalizing every step of the way, in under 60 seconds my good intentions were being pulverized, overawed by a small pile of (soon to be gone) twenties... In 60 seconds more, I was back at the 7ate9 Bakery booth saying, "Here I am as promised." But I hadn't promised... The chocolate cheesecake with those luscious Maine blueberries was responsible for my irresponsible, wanton, "give it to me now, baby" behavior. Or maybe it was their lemon cheesecake... or that "I can't wait to inhale you" classic New York-style. Being well-to-do at such moments is a terrible burden... I could afford every option she had.... and in a minute they were mine, all mine. That's when this ruthless entrepreneur showed me just how good she was... "Sir," she crooned. "If you buy just one more, I'll give you one free, any flavor you like." Okay, I was putty in her hands... but I swear I had absolutely no choice. I mean, I put it to you, you who are judging me now. What would YOU have done... and then I remembered...it had always been this way, a woman, a cheesecake and complete and total capitulation. The name of that woman was on the tip of my tongue... just where her irresistible cheesecake always ended up.... it was... Sara Lee. And nobody didn't like her. Sara Lee and me. Sara Lee Corporation (NYSE: SLE) is an American consumer-goods company based in Downers Grove, Illinois. Why is this so significant? Because I grew up in Downers Grove. Like me they were born in Chicagoland and later moved to the ultimate in squeaky-clean suburbs, Downers Grove, a place where Beaver Cleaver wasn't so much a character as the apogee in human behavior. In any event... Sara Lee started in 1935 as Community Bake Shops. Charles Lubin was the presiding genius who dreamed up the soon-to-be iconic cheesecake which in proud doting father way he named after his eight-year-old daughter Sara Lee Lubin. He then changed the name of his business to Kitchens of Sara Lee. He had everything he needed to soar... except a catchy jingle that made America smile, get hungry... and buy. That's where "Everybody doesn't like something, but nobody doesn't like Sara Lee" comes in. If you've forgotten these jewels, go to any search engine and renew your acquaintance. In a couple of minutes, you'll be en route to the grocery store, just like all those years ago when your mama sent you to pick up dessert. She loved Sara Lee, too. But there must be a SNAFU over at Sara Lee's because it's difficult to find the cheesecake of my dreams in local grocery stores and when I do it'll most likely be the version with the frozen strawberries. The original without anything but smooth and creamy is never, and I mean ever, available. "Hey, Mr. Distributor, hear my plea and let thy cheesecake come and succor thy loyal customer." Still, there are a few good reasons why I'm not suffering while I'm waiting. First, a website named Top Secret Recipes has published the hitherto classified ingredients and procedures for whipping up authentic Sara Lee cheesecake at home. Take "16 ounces cream cheese. 1 cup sour cream, 2 tablespoons cornstarch..." and all the rest. I don't know whether to hug ingredient sleuth Todd Wilbur or kick him out shouting "Forfend, villain" for opening the Holy of Holies. One of Todd's followers, a guy name Mark, probably has the best attitude. "First attempt making cheesecake & what a hit. Everyone thought it was excellent. Didn't even need the topping. Super job on the recipe!!" I guess, upon consideration, I'm ready to do the necessary to see what makes perfection perfect. I'll send Mr. Joseph out for all the ingredients first thing in the morning.... Reason #2. 7ate9bakery.com. Then I've got my back-up plan, the one that works with 7ate9bakery.com, a telephone and a credit card. "Hello, 7ate9 Bakery, this is Dr. Lant speaking, you know, the handsome fellow whose complete lack of sales resistance you turned into a small fortune the other day? I want you to deliver the following manna from heaven..." Now get this, if you're within the Greater Boston Area (as I am in Cambridge) and your order is over $20, they'll deliver. I'm keeping this intelligence readily available for the next Really Big rainstorm or the blizzard that spells murderous Cabin Fever. I hope there will be no flimsy excuse like, "My car's buried under 9 feet of snow." Such words would dismay me. One concern. I do, however, have a gnawing worry about you sweet entrepreneurs and your operation. Here it is: your free delivery service is incredible... your business cards are perfect, crisp not dog eared.... your presentation nice and sharp... your political statements (for this is Cambridge after all) reasonable... your clothes well fitting and professional. All this is good... and bad. As an old hand in the entrepreneur business, I sense that you are new (after all I'd never seen you at the farmers' market before) and (pardon me) wet behind the ears. So, here's a bit advice for you, focus 99% of what you do on your excellent product. This is and must always be the focus of your attention. Let all else go, every marginal activity and frippery, but always keep your product High, Mighty and Sacrosanct. It's what you're in business to do. But for now no worries. I've got a goodly supply in the fridge right this minute, hidden beneath some really big lettuce leaves. It's 4:11 a.m., pitch dark, not a friend or visitor at hand. In short, that moment of moments has arrived... and all I have to do is choose. Now don't bug me. This could take a while, but after all I DO have all night, and I'm not in a rush. My beloved is here before me waiting for the smack of ultimate pleasure and approval. Whenever it comes is the right time.... |
